Saturday, September 11, 2010
i hate wearing a mask, am i pretending to be someone i am not. so it is true that the ME ppl sees are fake? why i feel so different whenever i am alone. am i pretending to be normal when i am with someone? today i was travelling hm after work, those words flashed thru, repeatedly, and which made me think back alot of memories. whenever i satisfy one side, i got scolded the other. dhen i help the other, i got scolded this side. so what am i supposed to do?
can anyone teach me what to do?
i am trying to hold it , but i cant hold long. i will break into pieces. i am sick and tired alr.
to you i became a someone, i became someone who can be easily replaced, some one you will only think of when you in need . it has been 3 weeks since you came home. today i got to know that i am soneone to you. you will never know how much your words can hurt me. is it me that caused you to be come like that. dhen i would wanted that i had never existed. if you nv came home because you don wan to see me , dhen i will gladly leave. disappear in your eyes forever. disappear from this world.
i mean nothing to you, but you mean something to everyone. i had never lived one day in my life for myself. i lived because of others. but i mean nothing to them. when can i remove my mask. i am sick and tired. i study is because i wanted to give my family a better life, i work because i wanted to help out in the family. but what is the point if my purpose is not needed?
someone, someone, someone, this word has been flashing thru my head since morning, since i knew i was someone to you, this further proves that all my effort and time put in was wasted, threw in the dustbin in front of me, i mean nothing to you. i am just a help that you needed at times, i mean nothing to you.
putting a brave front is making me tired, feels really like something is pressing dwn my heart. no body notices, no body cares, to you i am supposed to be there to help you whenever you need, to you all those i done is not enough. but did you ever care abt me, is there even me in your mind. or do you even rmb my existance.
when can i stop dropping tears, when can i be appeciated?
what is death? what is the end? what is the solution? to ppl it might be a stupid idea, but it might be an end to all of this. to my misery.
Loved, Shirley.
;
9:59 AM
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